somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I supernannyed him into submission
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
