u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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