In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
