Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
