Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
