TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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