bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
