I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
