just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
