how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
