i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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