Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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