I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
