it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
