i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
