This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Randomize
