Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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