Someone shit on the floor
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Can I color on your dick again?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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