She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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