I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
