Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
