So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
