the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
