I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
