I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
