If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
