His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
