I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
