If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
