my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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