Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize