all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
