um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
