omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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