used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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