How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
