Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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