My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
