I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
dude i'm inner monologue high
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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