Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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