Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
