I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
