I love black thongs
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
