Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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