thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
