Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
