I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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