i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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