it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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