no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
