When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
