i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize