onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
