The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
