Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
