It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Randomize
