READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
