my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
