It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
