??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
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