I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
