considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize