I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
