it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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