i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
