if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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