I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize