i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
