I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
