So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize