I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
