I cockslap morals
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
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