My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
