Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
