I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
