Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
