the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
