Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
