tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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