Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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