and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
