woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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