I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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