Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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