PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
