So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
