I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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