I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
