you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
