New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize