just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
