Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
