holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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