i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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