Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
