You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
